The Subtle Art of Not Having Children and Living Happy

People who want to have children and have the security with which to do so are often praised for their choice but what if you don’t want children?

There are people in the world who feel they were meant to be parents and there are some who feel that this wasn’t the track they wanted their lives to take. They bask in the idea that someone in the future will have their features and their personality traits and they are literally showered with gifts. Their intent is admirable, of course, as raising children is a difficult undertaking.

No Children; No Problem

Then there are the people in the world who make the choice not to procreate. They may feel their lives aren’t stable enough to bring a child into it. They may not have the desired financial security that rearing a child requires or they may not be at a place in the lives where children would be a welcome addition. Many of these people, regardless of their reasoning, are labeled as selfish for making the decision to not bring a child into a less than perfect situation. Often, these people face derision from people who have already had or intend to have children.

Are You Ready?

Why is this, though? Why are people lauded for making a decision to reproduce without regard to their station in life and others are chided for not having children? Does that decision really make a person selfish or are they simply responsible? Another thing that tends to happen is that people make a lot of statements off the cuff to the intentionally childless. Here’s what not to say!

Don’t Say This!

“Don’t You Want to Create Life?”

This is simply another way of reiterating the idea that they don’t want to have children. Since creating life is a euphemism for having a child, they’re essentially presenting the question a different way, in hopes that they change their answer. Nine times out of ten, people are childless for a reason and they’ve typically considered all of their options. Some people can’t conceive a child and they’re typically inundated with questions in the same way as the people who chose those circumstances.

“Are You Just Really Selfish?”

To intimate that people are child-free as a result of selfishness is not only a dangerous mindset but it’s also incredibly closed-minded and frankly, a little ridiculous. People who make a choice not to have often led very rich lives, with fulfilling careers, pets, friends, and a healthy resume of volunteer work. Does that sound selfish or does it simply sound like they didn’t want to spread themselves too thin? They are aware that with their careers and their busy lives that they don’t have the time to dedicate to raising a child.

“Aren’t You Ever Going to Grow Up?”

If a woman has a fun and very fulfilling life, she should want to have children, right? Isn’t that the grown-up thing to do? Or is it more grown up to realize that your lifestyle isn’t conducive to raising a baby?

“Does Your Spouse Agree With You?”

There is one of two reasons that people don’t have children when they are in a committed relationship. The first is that they’re unable to do so. The second is because they’ve made the choice. One person cannot make the choice for a marriage, so to ask whether or not their spouse is aware is not only rude, it’s incredibly pejorative as well.

“You’ll Change Your Mind”

Chances are, childless couples will not change their minds. There’s probably a lot of thought that went into their decision and they don’t have any reason to change their mind. Saying this to people who don’t have children is implying that they haven’t put any thought into the decision.

Childfree living may not be the choice for everyone, but that doesn’t make it an invalid choice. Respect people’s decisions and keep your opinions to yourself.